I haven't been contacting S for more than a week, till today. I was so worried, fearing that something bad might had happened to him, since he goes sailing often. But thank God he is fine. Apparently he got drunk and lost his handphone.

Now he is using a hp6515 pocket PC so he can log on to the internet. 'Cos I only had his mobile number, and there was no way we could contact except via the internet.

We hardly get in contact, as he is always busy at work or out sailing. Somehow I think this is Karma? What goes around, comes around. I didn't care much about YT in the past, so now S doesn't really bother much about me.

Candy came over to my house for CNY visiting last week and we chatted for a while. Told her what had been going on in my life - catching up. Told her about S, almost all that I know about S - which is not much I guess. She said Joe really left me a traumatic impact, that till now I still have yet to let go of the past. Maybe she is right, I am treading in fear when it comes to matters of the heart. So much so that I would like to try to get involved in a relationship, my fear always kept me back.

It's so hard to catch what S is thinking. He has a mind of his own and I'm trying my best to adapt. Then again, it takes two hands to clap. Is he clapping? I've no idea. I'm not asking alot, I can't also bah. I'll take every of his contact with me a bonus. I'm not being being pessimistic, but I just don't want anymore disappointment.

I can't change the way people treat me, but I can control the way I treat others.


-Ping'er-