All's been rather well in my life. But sadly, Calicia and Grace are leaving. My great friends at work, now I've only myself to fend for, no more protection from them against Bird and Bug. *haha* I've to grow up now and have the sense of urgency, can't be Snail Chua anymore. That's life in the coporate world I guess. Will learn to adapt!
God's been kind to me, I guess. After all the craps I was made to go through, finally something blissful! Got to know him, somehow we are drawn together on our own. Don't know if I'm doing the right thing. To follow my heart, or to follow my mind? It's been quite a while since I felt this way. Ever since the major matter, I lost faith in starting a new relationship. I even have thoughts that I'll be left on the shelves, or even become a lesbian.. *haha* Honestly deep down, I fear. Bug once said having FAITH doesn't mean we have no fear. We still have fear, but we are willing to face the fear. Right now I can't hope for more, must learn to cherish what I have. I know we may not be together after all. But I'm grateful, 'cos he taught me how to love again, how not to fear and to have faith again. Perhaps he's the one for me, I don't know. Nothing's perfect, nice guys don't come by often. And many times, they are taken. Well, he's a nice guy, and he's taken. My point proven. My heart sours whenever I think about the two of us. But I keep telling myself I can't be so selfish, must think for him. He's in a fix too, plus he's got his work to worry about. I can't add burden on him. Instead I should share his load. The best I can do is to make him feel happy, like the way he makes me feel.
He sent me a song today - She Believes (In Me) - by Ronan Keating. I was touched somehow. It seems to me he's the one singing the song, to his girl. It doesn't matter if his girl is W or me. But many times the selfish side of me emerges, asking if all he's doing is fair to me. 'Cos eventually I may not be the one for him. It pains me. Perhaps things are meant to be, that he brought me out of my cave to see the light, and taught me the beauty of life, of love. I'm learning to appreciate things and people in my life better. It feels great to love.
No matter what things may turn out to me, I'll want to stay by his side, to share his pain and joy, like how he stays by my side and withstand all my nonsense. Felt bad many times when Candy told me how hurt he was due to my childish and inconsiderate acts. No matter what it may be, I have faith and I believe in him. I've fallen for him...

-ping'er-