Year 2005 will soon be over in a few days, and brand new 2006 will arrive. Looking back at what had happened this year, I had many thoughts running through my mind. Many ups and downs, all happened for a reason, all had helped me to make me who I am now. I learnt to be more self-disciplined, learnt to walk and work on my own - to be independent. It felt good, yet lonely. I guess the higher you climb up the ladder, the more demanding you are on yourself, till sometimes you are never happy with yourself, never satisfied. But definitely, I'm not the power-hungry sort. I just feel I can still achieve more, I only lack the extra desire, the hunger to want to strive for more. I think I'm falling into the comfort zone again..

AT WORK
This year has been a great leap for me this year. I learnt to work my one-man show for all events. Tania, my mentor left the management in Jan, leaving me to fend for myself. Of 'cos, she taught and trained me well enough to survive, knowing the fact the most of the operations staff are newbies. I'm truely grateful to her, for I think I'll surely drown. And my boss has high hope of me, asking me if I want to take over some Logistics for certain events. I would really love to, but the thing is, the person doing Log now, is someone who likes to do things on his own, and does not really know how to lead. I'm really curious about how his brain works, 'cos certain things he does, don't make sense at all! Always end up getting yakked by my boss. I admire him for his "thick-skin" and "never say die" mentality. I think I'll probably leave if I were him. Scolding and screaming is a daily routine for him at work.. Poor chap. Anyway, I really hope Tania can return to the management and train me in Log, since she is still hanging around at home not working.. My boss says she will train me up herself, but somehow a boss's perspective will always be different from an employee's. And bosses can be fickle-minded sometimes, so working under her will be quite tough I guess. But I would really love to learn something more, 'cos what I'm doing now is getting a little routined, and boring. Only event preparations can excite me now..

OUT OF WORK
I came to understand Man and Life more. That we have only ourselves to answer to our actions. I've tasted what it is like to have a fling, and to be one as well. It made me grew wiser, that we have only ourselves to trust and depend on eventually. Selfish thought, maybe. But this is what many are practising in order to survive in this callous world. No doubt I don't deny that I've also met many kind souls who were also hit hard but the brutal reality of Life. They share their stories with me, and I told them mine. We don't sympathize or pity one another, 'cos that is the last we want from anyone. Instead we empathize, and encourage one another. It takes two to clap. I appreciate all who walked into my life and gave me precious and priceless lessons, that we can never learn in school. I understood that friendship has no boundaries, and no age gap. Come to think of it, most of the friends I have now are much older than me. That made me wonder, am I really THAT old in mentality? LOL. Somehow, those friends around my age whom I'm still in contact with are my old buddies, who have the same frequency as me.. Other than these friends, I find it pretty hard to click. Not that I look down on them, but I want to learn things out of what I know. I know how a 22 year-old thinks, 'cos I am one myself, so why ask those my age the questions when I already have the answers myself? Instead I like to ask those much older than me, somehow, to me they have seen more and tend to be wiser. Also, I ask those younger than me - my sister - for their view too. They are simple in thinking, not polluted by the reality yet, and they can tell you what they feel, not considering nor worrying too much. Hence the decisions and opinions they - young and old - give are much more different and they really impress me. Can be thought-provoking at times, and it can leave me to ponder for a couple of days. A change in thinking is good I guess, it allows to learn and accept and think out of the box. I must admit although I'm open-minded to others' thinking and perspective of Life, I'm a rather conservative person deep down. I'm afterall a Taurus ma, stubborn to changes. But that does not mean I'm an antique okay. LOL.

RELATIONSHIP
I've been so busy with work - with an average of one project a month - I hardly have time to mingle with old friends, so forget about getting to know new people. First half of the year was really nothing much, 'cos I found comfort with someone, someone whom I should not have feelings for in the first place. But I'm glad in a way, 'cos he was really a good company, he made me learn, that I need to make my own decision when problems arise. Now we are still good friends, and we keep in contact every now and then.
Then came someone whom I least expected, an old friend whom I haven't contacted for some years. It was a great experience for me. And of 'cos, I learnt that I have to be answer for my actions and problems cannot drag, for it can be unhealthy for the relationship, whether between friends, family or lovers. I would like to thank him, for crossing path with mine, even if it is only for a few months. It made me realise exactly what I want out of myself, and not what out of Life.

I've also got to know a couple of friends from online. It turn out to be quite different from what I think it should be. I've always thought that all - guys especially - who go online and search for new friends are out for either flings or s*x. Not that I'm pessimistic, but the reports in the papers really prove enough. However, I think I should not "toss everyone out of the boat with one pole" now. There really are people who are out there to find a friendship, to find someone they can click and chat with. They are really nice people, online. And somehow we can talk more openly, without having to worry about how they think about you, 'cos I believe they will speak their mind out too, like how I will. I hope. The only danger is, you wouldn't know if they are really telling the truth, 'cos you have no idea who and how the person is like at the other side. I met up with a couple of them, and am glad that I'm lucky enough to meet nice people. I've met really horrible one when I was younger, who were out to take advantage of you, but of 'cos not as horrible as what was reported int the paper. Still, I feel the Internet is a good souce to know more people, but we have to more cautious, 'cos there may be wolves out there under sheep's skins. Otherwise, I'm pretty okay with the concept. Also, we tend to have surprises, things that happen out of what we expect. And surprises may not have be unpleasant..


-Ping'er-