Three stages of relationship

Dependence, Independence, Interdependence

In the beginning of a relationship, a couple will tend to be more dependent on each other, a period we call the "honeymoon" period. A period where everything and moment is like a fantasy, a fairytale.

We would not be tired of each other's company, even if it's for the whole day we are together. It just doesn't get enough. Every moment is a wonderful moment. Whatever we do, it doesn't matter, just as long as we are doing it together.

After being together for a while, when honeymoon is over, we get busy with our own stuff and life. We become independent. That is, the main focus of our life is not so much about each other anymore. We focus on our career, our intellectual and spiritual growth.

Gradually, we growth to be interdependent. Even though we do our own things, we are still dependent on each other. That is the greatest achievement a couple can have being together.

Most of us get to the first stage. It is easy. It is the start of all relationship. The challenging part is the second, and ultimately the third. Many cannot grow independent as a couple. Either one will become more independent than the other. That is when problems arise. The dependent one tries to get more attention. He/she can do anything and everything just to get the attention. He/she do silly things, crazy things. He/she doesn't realise that this can be detrimental to the relationship.

We all see many happily married couples, and we wonder, 'What is it about their relationship that make them stay so happily together? What have they done? What do they do? What do they say?' This is a stage we call interdependence. The things we do individually affects our partner. We are mutually dependent on each other, very subtly, we become part of each other's lives, and we can't do without our partner. Very subtly - emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

My friend Joseph told me, one of the aspects to a long-lasting relationship is to grow together constantly. Only growth can spur each other to move forward. We have a common goal. We understand each other's goal. We help each other to achieve our goal.

So, which stage are you and your partner at?