It's a Saturday, and I spent it working. Feeling tired. Of everything happening to me. Went for dinner with Calicia and Victor. Then bought takopachi for Richard, and passed it to him. Heard from him HE was at the office, together with his gal. It's his 22nd birthday today. People there are celebrating for him. Somehow, I felt a sting in my eyes. Tears almost well up, but I controlled. I wonder - why are things so blissful for him? What the hell am I doing now? Does he even know? All the things I went through. I hate this feeling, totally. The pain in me, the grudge in me. How can I let it all go?
Thought I found a chance to get over everything and start anew. Then one blow hit hard on me. All along he treated me like how he treated Candy - a sister. Told myself not to follow my heart, told myself to be rational. Look what I got myself into, a big ugly mess. I dread it. Hurt him, hurt myself. Told him not to be so nice to me, that I'm not worth it. I just want to stay away and left matters cool off and quieten down. I want to control my feelings, stay rational. The only way is to stay a distance away from him and occupy myself with other matters.
Been thinking, I must be totally dumb. There'll be no outcome. We'll only be friends.

-ping'er-