Two blogs in a day. Guess I've a lot in mind today. Been wondering - always been, ever since the day I was all by myself. Why is it that in AM, some couples can work so well, compromise so much and stay together despite the drastic changes? All along I've always thought this is it, that we are for each other and live happily ever after. Until he stepped into AM. I tried to adapt and learn, compromised, despite knowing that I dislike changes. I stayed true to him, with only him in my heart, giving him all the trust I could give. Made sacrifices, turned against will of my loved ones, gave up my studies, neglected my friends and family, just to be with him. I'm not saying I'm noble or anything like that. But I feel unjust. I want to let go of this feeling, this grudge, this HATRED! It's tormenting me. Give me reasons, regain my trust and faith. Someone out there who is able to read this, please help me. Give me HOPE, let me believe that there is still HOPE!
Perhaps I never thought this day would ever come for me, that's why I feel this way, view life this way. He gave me hope, but callously took it away from me too. Just 'cos he want to fight for what he wanted, what he really wanted. Why is it that he can't feel for me? Or spared a thought for me? I hated him, but after a while, I gave up. I just couldn't bring myself to do that for long. It's too tiring. I love to love. I hate to hate. But the world doesn't fill with love everywhere. It's a dog eat dog world. Count myself unlucky, to have to feel so much. I'm learning to be more rational and not let my emotions take control of me. Always thinking before taking any actions. In the end, I just want to feel appreciated and loved, really. Well, I don't need a lot of people to treat me nice. Just a few true souls will make me feel good. There are times I feel so lonely, that even Candy can't ease the terrible feeling. I know she's busy with her work, can't spend much time with me. I always try to be there for her, even if it's just an SMS away, in hope that she can appreciate and do the same for me too. I try to put myself in  others shoes and think for them, 'cos that's what I want them to think for me too. But humans are selfish. Who would want to help and love others unconditionally? Only parents and our loved ones. We all depend on one another, perhaps that's why we are nice to one another.
Well I guess nobody wants to be with a negetive person, so I'm always smiling. I believe that if you make youself behave happily, you'll feel happy also. It's a way to trick your mind. I sometimes disgust myself though, for having such negative and depressing thoughts. And I wonder why. Was it that I was forced to grow up and to cope with so many things in a short time? I must admit I had a blissful childhood, with nothing much to worry about. Innocent some would say. But is that why all there are happening to me? God gave me all these lessons to learn all in a shot, 'cos I missed out too much? But did He ever think that I can't cope it one day and simply end it all? Life is but a joke I feel. We are all puppets and FATE controls us. Is this all fair? I don't know, but I wonder..
 
-ping'er-