Working late at the office today. Next week's the Robert Allen Event. Feel so exhausted, yet peaceful now. 'Cos I'm now listening to Enya CD and the Bug and Bird is not around. We do our things without any yakking nor interruption. How nice!
Went for dinner with him just now. Somehow I've doubts of myself and things happening in my life. It seems as if there's two personalities in me, but I guess it's only a debate between my mind and heart. I'm feeling a way, being irrational most of the time, but my mind is opposing it, telling me to be rational. I'm simply stuck! I hate feeling this way, but I just couldn't help it. It just happened and hit hard on me, making me hard to avoid.
His words lingered in my mind. I simply can't understand, simply can't accept it. "The one you are together with may not be the one you truely love", "The one you really love doesn't need to be together. You may just remain as friends" - what exactly does it mean? Why be together when he/she isn't the one you truely love? No logic to me. For the status, or is it that it's been too long and has become a norm? That they have become part of each other's lives that they wouldn't want any changes? Matters of the heart are always the hardest to solve, yet the easiest to develop.
The way he's making me feel is wonderful, can really make me go head over heels and be on cloud nine.. But I'm constantly telling myself that he's treating me only as a good friend, or even a sister, to make myself feel beta. I'm just a great gal pal to him, likewise to many other people I know. I feel tired. Maybe I'm expecting something to happen, and disappointment pops in. This feeling sucks, I really hate it. Sometimes I just want to disappear away from here, and be alone. I didn't dare to take any further steps, 'cos I know I'll surely hurt myself and things will go back to square one. Worse, I may lose a friend - a status least I could hope for. I wouldn't want history to repeat itself.
Exhausted, from my busy schedule, or of living? I don't know. Wishing that I can have the kind of mindset of not getting too emotional. *ARGH*
Sleepy, I'm hibernating..

-ping'er-