Went to my aunt's place for Christmas dinner gathering yesterday - only her family, cousins and a couple of friends. Somehow I felt different, couldn't really blend in. They are like in their circle chatting,and i'm sitting at the corner listening and laughing along with their jokes.. All of them with their other half.. So sour inside. I can't help but start to lament. Argh.

Maybe it's me, I lack self-confidence, always thinking of how others think of me. I should learnt o love myself more ya. Been hating myslef so much lately. All the love's gone.. I need encouragement, love and care. And I know I'm not a generator of those for myself. I get depress, who can see..?

Been motivating myself, been reminding myself. But I still miss him. Badly. It gets terrible whenever I've nothing to do, whenever I cant get to sleep. That night he messaged after so long..I was surprised yet delighted. How I wish he can ask me out, but that's wishful thinking I know. Won't happen.. Slowly making myself accept the fact ya. Numbing myself with work. I even tried to draw again..tried to read a book, play online games..blah. Just to make sure my mind is occupied and my thoughts don't run wild..

Silly me - please wake up silly dumbo girl.


-Ping'er-