Went Velvet last night. Was one of the boring moments I spent chionging.. Only 3 of us! All flew kite at the last minute. Argh! Well I guess chionging isn't the same anymore. Blgging too. The negative energy level is so high around here, and I'm the source. I figure that perhaps that's the reason why people are staying away from me. I'm simply shutting myself up and blabbering nonsense.

Woke up the wrong side of bed today, feeling so depressed. I guess I've been fooling myself all this while, trying to get to the comfort zone. He is keeping a distance from me now, especially when I go cranky. I suppose I've lost him, or maybe not. I don't think I have him even in the first place. Who am I to him anyway? So many times I just want to let it all end. Took a ride home on my friend's bike last night, I almost wanted to let myself fly off the bike and bish and bang and die like that. But that'll make him a careless rider. So called off the idea. Dumb right, I know. But he wouldn't know nor care. He's too tired and sick of handling me now.

I know I haven't been loving myself. Tried things to numb the pain. Been wondering, how come history is repeating itself? Is it that I really didn't learn from my previous experience? This totally sucks. Argh. I'm lamenting again, ain't I? Knock me out of this state ya. WAKE UP YOU DUMBO GIRL!!

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-Ping'er-